it’s ok to laugh

it’s ok to laugh
by sue mcgregor

we too have the same hopes, dreams and wishes as the parents do,

we go out and buy presents for the unborn child,

make public announcements, excitedly telling our friends,

boasting to colleagues and anyone who will listen,
“i’m going to be an aunty” !!

we are on the other end of the phone after the first scan,

we listen to the stories of the morning sickness,

of the shrinking clothes, and the expanding belly,

we share the excitement of planning where to put the cot,

and what colour to paint the baby’s room.

we break down when first told of the tragic news,

experience the same numbness, shock, disbelief and unimaginable pain,
we cry in public, not caring who’s watching,
as we think about this person we’ll never get to meet,
but know we’ll always remember.

it’s not the baby’s or the parents fault,

nor the aunties or the uncles or the grandparents fault,

but each one of us feel responsible, wishes they could take the blame,

then there would be somewhere to focus our anger, our grief, our pain,

a place we could direct a simple one worded question - “why?”.

as time passes, shock goes and acceptance comes,
you realise all you can do is just be there,

to talk and to listen, to hug and to hold,

to distract and keep positive, to motivate and to inspire,

to give support, but also to lean on.

people give the usual advice,
"time will heal",
"one day at a time",
but there was one that stayed with me,
“it’s ok to laugh”.